Heart of Kim

Terry and I will be married 27 years tomorrow and I thought it might be good to share some of the key ingredients  we found that are essential for a successful relationship. I would like to preface this with one sidenote right up front. When we met, both of us had recently been through a divorce and both of us had determined to examine our own heart, repent where needed, and wipe the slate clean for a fresh start.  We also made a decision to totally forgive the X;  retaining no resentment, bitterness or ill-will.    (Forgiveness is a decision;  feelings follow the decision, not the otherway around)  We both had went before the Lord and ask for His help in finding a mate. If you find yourself in a similar situation married or divorced; the same principles apply.  No one can be free to love another if unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, hatred or any other such thing is being embraced by that person.  Because of those decisions,  we were free to build upon a clean and clear foundation without any debris or clutter.   The following is not necessarily in the order of importance.  All principles outlined are of utmost importance.

Both, Terry and I, had made the decision that Jesus Christ would be the Lord of our life.  We both were looking for someone who had the same core values and beliefs.  When we met we had both already been filled with the Holy Spirit.  Our meeting was supernatural. I don’t have the time nor space to go into that here, maybe in a future post.  

When we met, neither of us had  much to offer in the way of natural things.   We determined not to judge based on the natural appearance or circumstances.  We had determined to listen to the Spirit of God.  What we were looking for was the “green light” from God.  The reason:  Only God knows the heart of a person.  We both trusted in His knowledge and wisdom.  Up to that point “our knowledge and wisdom” had gotten us nothing but heartache and grief.  Trusting God concerning finding a mate or loving the one you have is of utmost necessity! 

We have always “respected” each other.  Marriage doesn’t dissolve the individuals into one person.  I know two become one flesh; but both people are individual and  a unique creation of God.  I see young couples constantly trying to change the spouse into what they think they should be.  BIG Mistake!  Trying to change another will only reinforce self condemnation in that person and maintain a steady stream of anger and strife in the household.  Each person must respect the other person for who they are.  

We have tried our best to honor and serve each other.  We have an unspoken agreement to not talk or discuss each other with another person.  Especially if we are in disagreement.  We have always tried to exhort, encourage and build each other up at home and in the presence of others. We have always tried our best to run to each other (not from each other) when problems arise.  We have endeavored to communicate on a continual daily basis concerning each other, the things we feel, think and deal with in life. 

We have considered ourselves mated for life and have refused to even consider any other option.  We have been quick to apologize to each other, quick to forgive each other and slow to judge each other.  We have been an open book with each other, spirit, soul and body.  We have laughed together and cried together.  We have prayed together and repented together.   We have grown closer and closer as the years have gone by. We have become one in thought, action and life.  

No wonder, the scriptures call us the “Bride of Christ”.  If you think about it,  the things that I have mentioned are vital in our relationship with the Father.  The same progression takes place over a lifetime.  The more time spent with the Father, the closer we become.  The more open we are with the Lord, the more He can show His love to us.  Jesus never condemns.  He died and rose that we might be free to be ourselves with Him, without fear and doubt.  He loves us with an everlasting love and as a gentleman, never forces His will on us.  He invites us to walk and talk with Him, that we might know Him.  If I had to choose only one ingredient for a successful relationship, I would have to choose “communication”.  Without it, we couldn’t and wouldn’t ever know each other.  A successful and healthy relationship is the one that maintains continual  fellowship.

I am amazed at how we  want to “fix” somebody that we see needs “fixin”.  We see them unhappy, or struggling or stressed out.  Sometimes we even ask ourself, “why can’t they see it, it’s so clear!?”   We find ourselves wanting to help them. We might find ourself sticking our nose where it don’t belong.  We might find ourself stressed over their life and begin carrying a burden that is not even ours!

However;  in Matthew chapter 11, verses 28-29,  Jesus says:

28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

There is a word that enlightens us concerning the ways of God (that are higher than ours).  It is the word COME.    The word  ”come” is simply an invitation.

  If you will notice, Jesus didn’t go around applying pressure or trying to coerce people to conform to what they couldn’t see at the time.

    Take for instance the “rich young ruler”.  Jesus conversed with him, but then allowed him to walk away!  The scripture says that Jesus “loved him”. 

  The Word also says we are to be ”ready ” to share the  reason that hope is within us.   

If you really want to be able to “fix” someone and have dealt with all the motes and beams in your own eye, then go to the following scripture and begin to confess it over yourself everyday.

Isaiah 50:4

 4The Lord GOD hath given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary: he wakeneth morning by morning, he wakeneth mine ear to hear as the learned.

Most of the time, the only thing that we can do to “fix” people is just  LOVE them. 

How could I  define love?  I would say things like,  well,  love is “unconditional”,  or love is a “commitment”,  or love is ……………..  Quite frankly I think the Word says it much better than I ever could. 

1 Corinthians 13

     ⁴Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

    ⁵It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

    ⁶It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

    ⁷Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

    ⁸Love never fails…………..

John 3:16-17 

 ¹⁶For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

 ¹⁷For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

1 John 4:8

…………..  ; for God is love.