Heart of Kim

Terry and I will be married 27 years tomorrow and I thought it might be good to share some of the key ingredients  we found that are essential for a successful relationship. I would like to preface this with one sidenote right up front. When we met, both of us had recently been through a divorce and both of us had determined to examine our own heart, repent where needed, and wipe the slate clean for a fresh start.  We also made a decision to totally forgive the X;  retaining no resentment, bitterness or ill-will.    (Forgiveness is a decision;  feelings follow the decision, not the otherway around)  We both had went before the Lord and ask for His help in finding a mate. If you find yourself in a similar situation married or divorced; the same principles apply.  No one can be free to love another if unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, hatred or any other such thing is being embraced by that person.  Because of those decisions,  we were free to build upon a clean and clear foundation without any debris or clutter.   The following is not necessarily in the order of importance.  All principles outlined are of utmost importance.

Both, Terry and I, had made the decision that Jesus Christ would be the Lord of our life.  We both were looking for someone who had the same core values and beliefs.  When we met we had both already been filled with the Holy Spirit.  Our meeting was supernatural. I don’t have the time nor space to go into that here, maybe in a future post.  

When we met, neither of us had  much to offer in the way of natural things.   We determined not to judge based on the natural appearance or circumstances.  We had determined to listen to the Spirit of God.  What we were looking for was the “green light” from God.  The reason:  Only God knows the heart of a person.  We both trusted in His knowledge and wisdom.  Up to that point “our knowledge and wisdom” had gotten us nothing but heartache and grief.  Trusting God concerning finding a mate or loving the one you have is of utmost necessity! 

We have always “respected” each other.  Marriage doesn’t dissolve the individuals into one person.  I know two become one flesh; but both people are individual and  a unique creation of God.  I see young couples constantly trying to change the spouse into what they think they should be.  BIG Mistake!  Trying to change another will only reinforce self condemnation in that person and maintain a steady stream of anger and strife in the household.  Each person must respect the other person for who they are.  

We have tried our best to honor and serve each other.  We have an unspoken agreement to not talk or discuss each other with another person.  Especially if we are in disagreement.  We have always tried to exhort, encourage and build each other up at home and in the presence of others. We have always tried our best to run to each other (not from each other) when problems arise.  We have endeavored to communicate on a continual daily basis concerning each other, the things we feel, think and deal with in life. 

We have considered ourselves mated for life and have refused to even consider any other option.  We have been quick to apologize to each other, quick to forgive each other and slow to judge each other.  We have been an open book with each other, spirit, soul and body.  We have laughed together and cried together.  We have prayed together and repented together.   We have grown closer and closer as the years have gone by. We have become one in thought, action and life.  

No wonder, the scriptures call us the “Bride of Christ”.  If you think about it,  the things that I have mentioned are vital in our relationship with the Father.  The same progression takes place over a lifetime.  The more time spent with the Father, the closer we become.  The more open we are with the Lord, the more He can show His love to us.  Jesus never condemns.  He died and rose that we might be free to be ourselves with Him, without fear and doubt.  He loves us with an everlasting love and as a gentleman, never forces His will on us.  He invites us to walk and talk with Him, that we might know Him.  If I had to choose only one ingredient for a successful relationship, I would have to choose “communication”.  Without it, we couldn’t and wouldn’t ever know each other.  A successful and healthy relationship is the one that maintains continual  fellowship.